His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
