Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I pour the whiskey from now on
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
