Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
