will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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