ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
