i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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