What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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