i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
