Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
