Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
