i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
