I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
