On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
