I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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