I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
