You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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