i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
