I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
