Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
