I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's blow job season.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
