I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
