I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
