Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
