we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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