I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
