Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
