How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
