Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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