Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
