here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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