Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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