Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
