doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
