he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
