Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
