Got a toothbrush?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
