she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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