I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
