Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
