i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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