He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
