you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize