I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
