u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
