you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
