apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Randomize
