i just sent this text using only my big toe
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
