Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
