you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
