My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
