She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize