He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
