"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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