Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
