Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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