dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize