My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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