Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the day after is always just damage control
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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