mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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