I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
