need another drink. this is the easiest way
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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