i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
