i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
