im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
