keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
