I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
