Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Still dying that you shit outside
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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