It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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