Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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