I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
