then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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