You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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