I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
